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Personal Development Blogs

27 October 2020

Personal Development Blogs
  • THE FLOW MINDSET – Why Is Solitude Such a Difficult Task? Can We Rewire Our Mindset? Can We Enjoy Flow At All Times?
    27 October 2020
    “Valkyrie’s Vigil” – painting by Edward R. Hughes

    When uncertainty threatens our wellness it is so easy to give into negative thoughts which then turn into a loss of enthusiasm, energy, and productivity. Covid has certainly spilled into our lives like an overwhelming avalanche of heavy-loaded uncertainty. Being secluded in between walls or hiding behind a mask is neither a common nor natural way of life even for people like myself who, as an INFJ personality type, am very comfortable with my introverted, brouhaha-avoiding lifestyle. I have come to learn, over years of life experience, that when it comes to one’s wellness finding ease with life is closely tied to a coaching of the mind that is indispensable if we ought to live in a state of flow. Mindset is everything. Positive mindset creates a peace guided flow that allows you to do more than overcome but strive during the most difficult of times. In contrast, negative mindset creates a dread suffocated flow that discourages, debilitates, and can even make you ill. In this article, I would like to propose three questions I find very significant in answering which I hope will serve you well during this difficult time. And because I want you to be empowered by this article, I will share some personal thought processes which I allowed to occupy my mind with such busyness that I am constantly led to a mindset made up of positive energy which then funnels down ease into my very soul.


    Solitude can be a very difficult task because humans, by universal law, were designed to build and cherish relationships. Yet solitude can be such a wonderful temporary relief. “Unless a person learned to enjoy it, much of life will be spent desperately trying to avoid its ill effects.” – Mihaly Csikszentmialyi. Solitude is not easy because as Mihaly mentions in his book “Flow,” my absolute favorite book of all times, the moment we are alone the brain starts to wander. Have you ever just stood there by yourself and suddenly you felt your mind was filled with thoughts that were spinning so fast it was becoming unbearable to sit with yourself? Have you ever felt as if it was too difficult to find order in your mind from within? You should never feel bad or guilty to answer with a firm, solid “yes” because unless you are not part of the Homo sapiens specie you will definitely deal with this difficulty in your life. It happens to all of us. It is a condition of human life experience that is inevitable. This is when you may be seeking external distractions such as pleasurable activities to get your mind off so much that it is trying to order itself in the mind. Therefore, sitting in solitude can often seem a dreadful experience compared to being distracted because it is far harder to manage the information overload floating through your mind all of the time than for example to watch a film you love or socialize with friends and family. But if we could find a way to order the mind from within while we are alone, in our solitude, if we can master over the sentiment of solitude and demand of our mind to focus on internal order – things can change for the better. How? – you may ask me. Well, keep reading.


    We can rewire our mindset only when we learn to be comfortable with solitude and begin to order things in our mind the way we want things to be but not only order. We can delete, replace, and re-organize our very thoughts. That little voice that is talking to you all of the time, tell it to “Shut Up!” from time to time. Your mind will then quiet a bit and you can start going to work. Then you can get busy trying to delete any negative thoughts, replace them with new, better thoughts that will serve you, your health, and your very way of life far more than any previous ones. For example, at the commencement phase of Covid I felt very lonely. I don’t think I ever felt this lonely in my life before. Not only was Covid to blame but I had just moved to a whole new state where I did not really have friends or any immediate family. Soon after my relocation, Covid happened. I then decided to start a journal with lots of notations. Very aware and intentional, I chose to jot down positive affirmations, mindsets, philosophies, and spent a great deal of time with them. I read many books that continued to encourage my focus and understanding of flow. My mind had no time to think about loneliness anymore. My mind was now too busy focusing on learning new concepts, enjoying the work of other great minds such as Mihaly’s, paving an internal map towards the destination where I wanted to get to not the place I was actually in, making sense of information I was selectively feeding my mind on my own via articles, books, YouTube videos, seminars, basically anything that would add to my appreciation of flow and the ability to create it and maintain it over time consistently. So, can we rewire our mindset? Yes, but it takes focus. You want to be intentional with yourself, draw down what you would like to do, if it helps you more to write it down (it does help me as a writer for sure) then do so and, finally, go for it. When the little voice in your mind returns uninvited with “I am lonely” tell it “I never invited you! Excuse me, but I am busy mapping my future!” and then go back to your plan. Soon enough your little voice will not try the “I am lonely” rubbish on you and you can focus on your flow, progress, and goals.


    I am not going to lie to you first because I loathe lies and second because lies will only lead one to disaster. So, here is the truth, maintaining flow as a consistent reality of your day-to-day life is going to be a challenge. Like with anything else in life, the more you do it the better you get at it. Ordering the mind from within is an extremely difficult task. You cannot just drift into flow zone with ease, at the beginning. You have to learn to master focus first. However, if you can direct the mind to focus on the habits, tasks, activities that will lead you to grow and blossom in areas that fulfill you, you will want more of that joy and, thus, will seek more focus on it. Suddenly something that seems so common to you like your television set will no longer be as attractive to you; you will want to do better things with your life. You might even find yourself seeking better people in your life, leaving the ones that do not serve you well behind. You might think to yourself right now that living without a television would be impossible. Well, I lived with one for over a year and I can affirm it is very possible though I am not telling you to do that necessarily. I am just proving that once the mind sets itself on an outcome, that outcome becomes very attainable. Remember, the important thing to realize is that focus is indispensable. As for flow, don’t be too hard on yourself. Be kind to yourself, is key. If we can have flow at all times, we would probably not be humans. But, here is the good news. We can access flow at any given time; so, when the threats come to divert us from it then we need to focus hardest on it. How one can access flow is different from person to person. One’s access to flow could be through a meditative state with painting, another’s with listening to a certain type of music, while another’s with flying an airplane, etc. You have to find out who YOU are. I don’t believe in those training tools that treat everyone the same for humans are different and what works for one person may not for another. However, I can only say that if you seek you will find what you need. Don’t ever give up. You will get there. As in the words of Winston Churchhill, “Never Never Never Give Up!”

    In summary, I am going to share with you some of my accomplishments during Covid. This is just the beginning for me, but here are some realizations which would have never come to happen if I would not have focused on my flow and personal growth. I don’t have all the answers and I certainly have much more growing to do, but I am happy to share these with you. But first, I would like to share with you a poem I wrote.

    Light From Within
    poem by
    Carmen A. Cisnadean

    There is a light
    Within each heart
    That can turn clouds
    In wondrous skies
    All of the storms
    That claim the earth
    Can be turned calm
    If we so want.

    There is a strength
    Within each man
    That can turn feuds
    In loving tales
    All of the anguish
    That scars existence
    Can be turned peaceful
    If we so choose.

    There is a force
    Within each soul
    To fuse a world
    That coexists
    One which may paint
    The future’s stars
    With brilliance strong
    If we so aim.


    Some of My Covid 2020 Realizations

    March of 2020 – my book “A Poetess’ First Flight” was published and made available for purchase at places like and

    April of 2020 – in collaboration with a local photographer, I created my first marketing product which was a postcard that replaces the traditional business card concept

    May of 2020 – created my first website which I invite you to visit at

    June of 2020 – I applied and got accepted into Purdue University’s MBA program which I chose to deny so I could focus instead on my life’s greatest passions which are writing and art

    July of 2020 – I was recognized and published by Unstrung Magazine of, for and about poetry a project of the Arizona Consortium for the Arts

    July of 2020 – Started my first poetry children’s book which I am currently writing and illustrating

    July of 2020 – I was recognized as a visual artist by the honorable Artists
    AZ, sponsored by entities such as Arizona Commission on The Arts & City of Phoenix Office of Arts and Culture, to name a few

    September of 2020 – Recognition and invitation to join The Academy of American Poets

    October of 2020 – I wrote this article for you because I want to empower you to fight for your life. Life is not easy, especially if you choose to live a conscious and flow driven life, but it is so worth it in the long run

    Please feel free to send any feedback or comments at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and I will happily reply back. If you would like me to put you on my prayer list, please send me an email with your name, what is your current struggle you are facing, and I will gladly pray for you.

    Thank you for reading. I hope the reading was enjoyable.

    With love,
    Carmen A. K.
    (aka Carmen A. Cisnadean)

  • A Ray of Light Out of the Pandemic
    27 October 2020

    A huge, thick grey cloud covers the planet and there is no sign of it going away any time soon. This is how people feel after so many months of Covid-19 impacting our lives. Humanity doesn’t see on the horizon a way out and begins to feel tired, drained, and stuck in negative thoughts about what might come next. Our perspectives on the future are uncertain, and bewilderment has become a breeding ground for despair and depression. All this darkness could quickly change if we could discover the source of lasting fulfillment which the current crisis is leading us to reveal.

    We can achieve the desired cohesion in our societies through a fundamental shift in our values: from competitive, individualistic and egoistic to cooperative, connected and altruistic. When our desire to enjoy is redirected, when we stop aiming to fulfill ourselves individually and start aiming to fulfill others, we will find the key to boundless happiness because we will be free from our enslaving self-concern.

    Michael Laitman

    The pandemic has caused critical disruptions in mental health services in 93% of countries worldwide as the demand for psychological support has dramatically increased, according to the World Health Organization. Meanwhile, scientists warn of what seems to be an imminent new wave of the coronavirus in the upcoming winter, combined with the flu season. We have started to understand that the lifestyle restrictions are going to stay with us for a long time, at least until a proven vaccine is released, and even then, there will be no absolute certainty about its effectiveness as new mutations of the virus may arise. Our situation is changing the way we perceive and approach our lives.

    Some are trying to maintain some sense of normality, going to work—if they are still lucky enough to still have a job—and include in their daily schedules some exercise to stay fit and healthy. But deep inside, the joy and enthusiasm for life has faded. The internal distress caused by the crisis is triggering apathy and bitterness.

    The pursuit of materialistic aspirations has lost much of the relevance it had in the past when we craved power, money, and status. Now, the madness of endless competition and the ongoing quest for pleasures have become secondary concerns. And since life no longer offers a clear purpose, people feel overpowered by fatigue. Some struggle to get out of bed, having fallen into depression and powerlessness, while others react with angry outbursts against the pandemic-related restrictions, lockdowns, and preventive measures.

    These manifestations reflect a lack of perspective about the future where we fail to see any compensation for the suffering we face. Subconsciously, humanity asks, “Why do we have to endure this situation? For what purpose?” Nature is precisely pointing out what humanity needs to change. It is revealing to us that the way we have lived our lives until now, driven by our egoistic impulses and actions for self-benefit, is no longer possible. The world is increasingly being revealed as behaving like a complex and mechanistic system of cogwheels, where we can only guarantee its smooth functioning by taking into consideration how to mesh the complementary and correct gears of all its elements.

    Therefore, we need to adapt to our new reality. We have no control over the virus, but we do have control over how we deal with its consequences as a human society. We must therefore help each other to stay afloat during the plague’s storm. It is imperative to find ways to battle the state of general despair and to organize support systems that will strengthen individuals to prevent them falling into helplessness. The more we invest in the general wellbeing now, the more we will be able to safeguard the mindfulness and good spirit of society. Every country in the world should make all the possible efforts toward making communities more cohesive, where no one is left alone, where everyone has group support as a safety-net, employment, and the option of engaging in physical and social activities such as group games, music, and sports.

    We can achieve the desired cohesion in our societies through a fundamental shift in our values: from competitive, individualistic and egoistic to cooperative, connected and altruistic. When our desire to enjoy is redirected, when we stop aiming to fulfill ourselves individually and start aiming to fulfill others, we will find the key to boundless happiness because we will be free from our enslaving self-concern. Only when we connect positively with others will we dissipate the looming cloud dimming the current atmosphere and will transform the climate into a sunny and shiny reality.

  • When Things Don't Jive ...
    27 October 2020

    Different things get you going in life, and what makes you special never forget. Its not until you respond to hate, that you then get used to be mischaracterized to shine light on other characters to further reinforce their thoughts or thinking that they are smart, or able to redirect or misdirect your audience to thinking like them, and that’s someone trying to control what people think in a disfavorable way toward me. That’s no ones business who I date, who I like, or who I choose to talk to of confide in and get help from. That’s a misuse of my identity to reinforce bad identities or characters and make fun of me, in a hurtful way, to encourage non-existent bullying of me. This was when people did not know me, and where not impressed by me, I fixed myself, and worked on myself until I improved. And if your goals are to graduate, get a job, or date again, and by your education, and based on where you are accepted or your goals are, are what gets factored in to their memory banks for judging you, based on where you are headed in life, and hurt you, so that you don’t make it in life, and that’s not deserved. To be watched and to share as I have improved, and then injure my ability to be loved or well liked. It then becomes a comprehension problem them thinking that everything is about them, and further convincing themselves that what they are doing is deserved. 
  • Did You Know You Have a Secret Tool to Connect to the Universe?
    27 October 2020
    Did you know you have a secret tool to connect to the Universe? And that by using it, you get direct access to […]
  • 9 Things You Should Thank Yourself for
    27 October 2020
    “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” ~ Meister Eckhart When was […]
  • Appreciate Yourself: 9 Reminders to Love Yourself
    27 October 2020
    “Beauty is when you can appreciate yourself. When you love yourself, that’s when you’re most beautiful.” ~ Zoe Kravitz Did you grow up […]
  • 5 Signs You Need to Change Your Job
    27 October 2020
    If your job is nothing more than a paycheck to you, that’s a clear sign that your heart isn’t in it and you […]
  • What to do when someone blows you off (A finest Guide)
    27 October 2020

    There is someone who blows you off, Right. Now you asking what to do? Don’t worry, this complete article also blowing you off from all your question. So stay tuned. You know what actually happens when someone close to us, especially in a relationship, when they call it all over. All the dreams got crushed...

    The post What to do when someone blows you off (A finest Guide) appeared first on Oliya Ji Solution.

  • 10 Life Lessons That Have Made Me a Much Happier Person
    27 October 2020

    “Happiness is a how, not a what. A talent, not an object.”

    Click to Tweet!


    The older I get, the more that I experience life and the more I learn what truly makes me happy. Throughout my life, I have always been a pretty happy guy, but I have definitely had my ups and downs like every other person.

    Happiness has always been an intriguing point of interest for me. I have always seen happiness as the epitome of all success that life can bring. To me, I believe income and status is important, however if it’s at the cost of happiness it’s not something I would want to continue to pursue.

    Happiness comes in many forms and I’ve come to learn that it can be extremely different for all people. However, there are 10 lessons in life that I have learned and that I believe can help anyone become a more satisfied and happier person. I would like to share with you the 10 lessons in life that have made me a much happier person.


    Image: Some friends and I frolicing in the vineyards. Gotta love that jump, right?


    Learning to say I love you

    For some reason, this was always a hard one for me, particularly with my immediate family. As I have grown older I have come to realize what my family have done for me throughout my life and that I am extremely thankful to them. I’m still learning to say “I love you” more and I still find it difficult (I think it’s part of our male genes to find this hard!) but when I do it gives me a great sense of happiness and I feel more authentic and honest with myself. Plus, I know that those I love really appreciate it.


    Learning to forgive

    There have been times in my life where I have felt betrayed or let down, and there have been times when I know I have let others down. Although sometimes hard, I have found that forgiving others and being able to forgive myself is essential for being able to move forward and regain a truly positive outlook in life.


    Learning to say no

    I used to struggle (and often still do) with saying no to people, events or situations which would then take up a lot of my time and have a negative impact on certain areas of my life. I have learned that saying no is essential for being able to focus on what I truly believe in, what I value and what is important to me in my life.


    Learning to live my passion every day

    Now that I’m working for myself, I have the pleasure of being able to spend my time how I want to spend my time. I get to incorporate my passion into everyday life and into the work that I do. I have come to learn that spending even the smallest amount of time living my passion each day can have a huge impact on the way I feel and on the success I achieve.


    Learning to eat healthy & exercise regularly

    The old saying goes ‘you are what you eat’ and I am a true believer of this. The amount of information on health and well being these days is absolutely enormous. Scientifically proven, eating healthy and exercising regularly can have huge physical and emotional benefits. I now exercise first thing in the morning for about 30-40mins, 5 days a week and this has helped me to feel more energetic and happier on a daily basis.


    Learning to connect deeply

    I used to be somewhat afraid of connecting deeply with others as I always thought that I was making myself too vulnerable in doing so. It’s kind of like learning to say “I love you”. I’m a lot more conscious of the benefits of connecting more deeply with others now and I actively try to do this. I have learned that making myself vulnerable and connecting deeply with others can help me become more relaxed, open and honest and helps me to be more of who I truly am. I have also learned that connecting deeply, being vulnerable and asking for help is essential for both growth and success. It also helps build a trustworthy and honest relationship.


    Learning to see life differently

    This is something that I continue to focus on and gain an understanding of to help me create my own lifestyle. I have learned that life is not meant to be taken so seriously and that life is simply about enjoying the time that we have and making a contribution in some way. I’m not a fan of the traditional corporate career and spending time working on another persons priorities. In saying that, I’m sure I’ll re-enter the corporate world at some stage but it will be with more of a focus on gaining the skills and experience necessary to move towards where I want to go with my life.


    Learning to set my own goals

    I never used to set my own goals. The world around me used to do it for me, such as my parents telling me what grades I should aim for or what job I should get, and my teachers telling me how to go about my schooling. Even into adulthood, my bosses and society (through social norms, peer pressure and media etc) would dictate what I would focus on. I have learned that by setting my own goals and focusing on what I truly believe in is the only way to live authentically, realise my full potential and sustain happiness.


    Learning to count my blessings

    When I was growing up as a child I took everything for granted. As I have become more aware of the world around me, I have come to realize that I am extremely blessed with good health, a great social circle and community and the freedom to live a life that I choose. I remind myself of this every day which helps me take to the world with a positive outlook and a mindset to make a difference.


    Learning to give

    Following on from the above, I have learned that giving is an essential ingredient for happiness. I have come to realize that the more I give the more that I get in return. This is in both giving to others and also giving of my time and energy into what I believe in. I have learned that by giving to others, it can enhance my relationships, build up trust and make a difference in the life of another. I have also learned that the more I give in terms of my time, energy and focus on my goals, the greater my return in terms of success and happiness.


    Wrapping Up

    Life continues to unfold and I continue to learn every single day. There are so many experiences and so many relationships that I have yet to have in life and I’m truly excited for what life has to bring.

    I look forward to reading back over this post in a number of years and seeing what has changed in my life and what else I have learned about life, success and happiness.

    What lessons have you learned about life, success and happiness?

    Please share in the comments!



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    The post 10 Life Lessons That Have Made Me a Much Happier Person appeared first on The Start of Happiness.

  • Trajectory: A Model For Your Path in Life
    27 October 2020

    Today, I’m going to share with you a concept that I absolutely love. It’s something that I remind myself of on a regular basis to help me move forward, stay focused and stay disciplined in the direction of my goals.

    It’s a concept that I like to call trajectory.

    Your trajectory is simply the path in life that you choose. When you continue to progress your life in a certain direction you will reach a certain end-goal. The thing is, a slight change in your trajectory can lead to huge differences in the outcomes you get in life.


    Let’s Get Specific

    Let’s look at an example. If you’re currently at University or if you think back to when you were at University, you had the world at your feet and you could choose the subjects and majors that you wanted to study. You could say that this point in time was the starting point of your career.

    Let’s say you had an interest in doing Marketing and an interest in the Arts but you had to make a decision between the two and build a career in one of them. In this case, you choose the Arts. Over time, you become very proficient in the Arts and you gain a solid understanding in your early career to propel you forward.

    Now, what if you chose Marketing? Well, this would mean that you have set a completely different path and direction for your life. Again, in the first few years you will have developed a solid foundation and understanding of Marketing which can propel you well into the future.

    You can imagine the difference in your path and outcomes as like in the graph below. The bottom (x axis) represents time and the left (y axis) represents the degree of variance in the outcomes you will achieve from following a certain path.




    As you can see from the above graph, the choice of path you take can have a significant impact on your destination in life. The path that you take is what I call trajectory. What trajectory are you currently on?

    Now, what if you continued going down that particular path for more than 3 years? What if you spent 12 years working towards that particular goal?

    As you can see from the chart below, over time, this leads to a HUGE variation in outcome in your life.

    To put it into perspective, the little red box in the bottom left-hand corner represents the original chart above after just 3 years.





    Current Life vs Desired Life

    Now, where am I going with this?

    I want you to know that the CHOICE of path you take can have a HUGE impact to the outcomes you desire in life.

    That one simple choice you made at University and for your career can have a profound impact on your social groups, your love life, your free-time, your health, your knowledge and expertise, your location of residence, your income and the experiences that you have in life.

    Unfortunately, I see a lot of people that are living a life similar to the below chart.




    I see people on a particular trajectory that is currently leading them down a path that is unrewarding, unfulfilling and will not get them to what they truly desire in life.

    And, as you can see, the longer they stay on their current trajectory, the greater the degree of variance from their desired life.

    Let’s bring this back up and look at it with a common, real-life example.

    You might currently be in a job that you dislike. Perhaps you knew early on in your career that you didn’t really enjoy the career path that you chose, but it paid you well and so you stuck at it. Now, perhaps 10 years later you have worked your way up and have solid experience under your belt. The only problem is, you still really dislike the career path that you have chosen and you’re still not satisfied, fulfilled or happy. You still have a deep desire, if not even deeper, to really pursue a career and life that is much more meaningful to you.

    Now, the only problem is it’s a lot harder to move towards your desired life because the degree of variance is much greater than what it was years ago. When it comes to your career, this degree of variance can also represent income in many cases. The longer you are in your current job/career, the greater your income becomes and the harder it may be to completely change your trajectory and progress down your desired path.

    Can you imagine how different your life would look right now if you made the decision 3 years ago to change your trajectory and start progressing towards your desired life? What if you made that decision 6 years ago? 10 years ago? 20 years ago?


    Unhealthy Life vs Healthy Life

    Let’s look at another common example. Let’s say you have the desire to lose weight and be more fit and healthy.

    Firstly, you might currently be on a trajectory that provides you an unhealthy lifestyle. It might be that you are working longer hours and often eat takeaway. It might be that you prefer to watch TV as opposed to doing exercise. It might be that you simply haven’t made the conscious decision to start living a healthy life.



    If you stay on that same trajectory, with time, the degree of variance from your desired life will only expand. You will put on MORE weight. You will have LESS energy. You will continue to live an unhealthy lifestyle.

    Now, if you make the decision to set yourself up on a new trajectory and start living a healthy life, you will start to make some progress.

    Initially, the progress will be small, but if you continue down that new trajectory you will see the results that you desire. Achieving results takes time. It takes hard-work, commitment and discipline in staying on that same trajectory no matter how difficult it may seem.


    What Can You Do Right Now?

    The most important thing you can do RIGHT NOW is to determine what the right trajectory is for you. Examine what your current trajectory is and ask yourself whether continuing down this path will lead you to the life you desire the most?


    Here are some basic steps to get you started:
    1. Identify your desired outcomes in life
    2. Determine whether your current trajectory or path is leading you to those outcomes
    3. If not, identify what actions and steps are required for you to progress down your new trajectory
    4. Make an immediate decision and take immediate action and take your first step on your new trajectory.
    5. Stay focused, determined and disciplined in moving down the path of your new trajectory. This will be the hardest challenge you face. It’s human behaviour to want to stick to things we know and stick to things we are comfortable with. Make sure you are aware of your own comfort zone and remain committed to expanding your comfort zone and reaching the outcomes you desire.


    Focus, determination and discipline, coupled with time, can lead you to anything you desire in life.


    Want Some More Guidance?

    There are a ton of other strategies you will need to be successful in progressing down your new trajectory and these are all provided to you in the Launch Your Life Academy. The good news is, the doors to the Academy are reopening next week! So if you’re keen to start living a passion based life and want to stay focused, motivated and disciplined in doing so and achieve the results in life you desire, then I highly recommend you get started with the Launch Your Life Academy. The doors are opening next Tuesday, 29th April for a very limited time so lock it in your diary! 


    For the Comments

    I’d love to hear your thoughts on the concept of trajectory. Are you currently on the right path in your life? Do you desire to change? Have you tried changing previously? What successes or challenges have you experienced when stepping onto a new trajectory?

    See you in the comments!



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    The post Trajectory: A Model For Your Path in Life appeared first on The Start of Happiness.

Life Blogs

27 October 2020

Life Blogs
  • #Kindfest2020
    27 October 2020

    Thoughts on Life and Love Thoughts on Life and Love - Mental health, emotional wellbeing & personal development

    #WorldKindnessDay: Friday 13 November 2020, 14hr-19hr GMT Join the Kindness Revolution …. Hosted by Teamkind #Kindfest2020 brings together some of the world’s leading thinkers with inspirational agents of kindness such as Captain Sir Tom Moore – the 100-year-old war veteran who inspired a nation with…

    #Kindfest2020 Mandy Kloppers.

  • Switch to Cellular for no ads
    27 October 2020

    when playing an offline game on mobile (such as games by VOODOO) switch to cellular then turn cellular data for the game off. There are no more ads and you still have internet.

    No need to thank me. 😏

    submitted by /u/Swift_BS
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  • REQUEST-: How to put water into squat toilet without getting those water drops reflected towards you?
    27 October 2020

    This disgusts the fuck out of me, So, i don't like putting water into toilet at all. Is there any lifehack to not reflect water back to me?

    submitted by /u/djangonotlaravel
    [visit reddit] [comments]
  • two AAA batteries and 4 quarters can work if you’re out of AA batteries
    27 October 2020
  • Life hacks for someone with Dust Mites Allergy
    27 October 2020

    My life has never been the same after being allergic to dust mites . All i wanna do is to live a normal life . Any one got some hacks to deal with dust allergies >.<

    submitted by /u/_0_midlifecrisis_0_
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  • Where the tooth fairy leaves money
    27 October 2020

    Hey parents. Before your kid loses their first tooth, buy a “tooth fairy pillow” so that they can hang it outside their door when they lose a tooth. That way it’s easier for the tooth fairy to come and not get caught!

    submitted by /u/jojosteel
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  • 26 Psychological Tricks to Convince People to Do What You Want
    27 October 2020

    Alright, be honest. In a room full of people, do you tend to hide in the corner? Blend into the wallpaper? Maybe even sneak under the rug?

    Yeah me too! But hey, cheer up! Even the shyest people can use certain psychological techniques that will persuade others to listen to them.

    These ideas can also help you to make a good first impression, improve your communication skills, and attract attention.

    Here are the Psychological Tricks to Convince People to Do What You Want.

    1. If you expect that someone might disagree with your opinion, take a seat not across from this person but next to them. Such a position is perceived as less antagonistic, and your opponent won't feel threatened. This way, they're more likely to consider your point of view.

    2. If you feel that awkward silence between you and a person you want to get along with is stretching for too long, ask them a question about their life. Even the shiest and most reserved people love talking about themselves. After that, they'll feel obliged to ask you a question in return, and the conversation will flow.

    Read full post

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  • China news 27th October 2020
    27 October 2020

    We lead this week with a Zao Bao story about President Xi Jinping’s recent visit to Shenzhen. Regular China watchers, especially in Hong Kong, will have picked up several clues about Hong Kong’s future from Xi’s speeches. 

    In the author’s opinion, there are three points in Xi Jinping’s speech in Shenzhen that are particularly worthy of Hong Kong’s attention.  First, Xi Jinping issued an important announcement to the world demonstrating Hong Kong’s special status as an international financial centre and a free port in China’s opening up. Hong Kong’s unique advantages are irreplaceable; 

    The Prime Minister, Shri Narendra Modi in a bilateral meeting with the President of the People’s Republic of China, Mr. Xi Jinping, in Tashkent, Uzbekistan on June 23, 2016.

    Second, Xi Jinping emphasised the development of the Guangdong-Hong Kong-Macao Greater Bay Area.  This is the main platform for Hong Kong to integrate into overall national development is, which is beneficial to Hong Kong.  The convergence of rules and the logistics of adjustment will be the focus. 

    Third, Xi Jinping said that the central government attaches great importance to Hong Kong’s youth issues.  Chief Executive Carrie Lam’s announcement of the postponement of the “Policy Address” on the eve of the Shenzhen celebration meeting, not only indicates that the central government will soon introduce measures to support Hong Kong, but also shows that Hong Kong, in a difficult period, particularly needs the support of the central government.

    Since Xi Jinping came to power, he has come to Shenzhen three times. Each time he showed the world his determination and confidence in deepening reform and opening up. However, this time was particularly important.  Some even compared Xi Jinping’s Guangdong trip to Shenzhen and Deng Xiaoping’s Southern tour.  

    The main reason for the comparison of the two occasions is that China today is at an important historical juncture.  In the face of unprecedented changes, the risks and challenges of the United States and Western containment and de-globalization, and the severe economic difficulties brought about by the global pandemic, China’s actions have drawn global attention.  President Xi clearly stated that China’s reforms will not stop, opening up will not stop, and reform and opening up will be promoted from a higher starting point.  Development will continue.  

    From an economic point of view, the most important value of Hong Kong to the country is its special role as an international financial centre and a free port.  Xi Jinping emphasized that Hong Kong’s position and role will only be strengthened and not weakened as the country expands its opening up.   The construction of the Guangdong-Hong Kong-Macao Greater Bay Area is a key point of Xi Jinping’s speech in Shenzhen. 

    by Ray F

    Three points are worth noting:

    1. Comprehensive and accurate implementation of the basic policy of “one country, two systems” is the basic requirement of the central government for the construction of the Guangdong-Hong Kong-Macao Greater Bay Area.
    2. Full participation in the construction of the Greater Bay Area is the main platform for Hong Kong to integrate into the overall development of the country. However, different social systems are implemented in the Greater Bay Area and the economic, legal, and social management systems and mechanisms are extremely different.  At present the cross-border flow of people, goods, funds and information is restricted.  One of the priorities for the construction of the Greater Bay Area in the future is to promote the integration of rules and mechanisms and improve market integration. Otherwise, not only the Greater Bay Area will be affected, but Hong Kong’s integration into the overall national development will also be hindered.  
    3. Doing a good job in youth work in Hong Kong is an important requirement for the Greater Bay Area. The central government has been very concerned about the healthy growth of young people in Hong Kong. The participation of a considerable number of them in the recent riots has attracted serious attention from the central government.  Xi Jinping called for Hong Kong and Macao youths to study, work and live in the Mainland.  It can be expected that relevant parties will introduce more support measures to help more Hong Kong youths participate in the construction of the Greater Bay Area.

    In order to tie in with the measures to support Hong Kong to be launched by the central government, Carrie Lam announced the postponement of the release of the policy address.  The policy of continuously relying on fiscal reserves to “distribute sugar” to alleviate difficulties is no longer sustainable. It is difficult for the SAR government to release its policy address under such circumstances. Hong Kong, which is in trouble, particularly needs the assistance of the central government. Xi Jinping’s speech in Shenzhen has clearly conveyed the central government’s strong support for Hong Kong. If the new year’s policy address of the SAR government can be connected with the central government’s arrangements to support Hong Kong, it will drive Hong Kong to rejuvenate its economy, improve people’s livelihood.  I believe Hong Kong people will be happy to see it.


    Western media is critical of and alarmed by China’s Belt and Road initiative.   A report originating in a Spanish journal and repeated by Chinese media aims to show why both criticism and alarm are not justified.

    Not surprisingly, Western media often describe the “Belt and Road” initiative as a major threat to the sovereignty, power, and regulations of Western countries. It is seen as a huge “strategy” that intends to spread new ideas and new rules for governance. Because of this, the rapid participation of many countries in this initiative has also caused concern. Western countries assert that an economically successful China will inevitably want to promote a new hegemony and establish a China-centric order in Asia.  More specifically, they believe that the goal of the initiative is to build a strong China in Eurasia to counter the “return to the Asia-Pacific” strategy proposed by former US President Barack Obama, who aims to contain China’s influence in the region.

    These interpretations are indeed fascinating, but the intricate planning of the “Belt and Road” initiative shows that if it is interpreted purely from the perspective of power, the essence of the “Belt and Road” initiative is missed. These changes will eventually Influence cooperation among all countries and economies participating in this initiative. They cannot be classified as a traditional rigid regionalism that combines the state and the market, let alone as a sign of China’s resistance to the US geopolitical siege.

    It is also true that the huge investment in the infrastructure of the “Belt and Road” initiative does not mean that China is expanding its territory, nor does it mean that it has to redesign its borders with other countries. The key to understanding this initiative is that while Chinese participants seek benefits and contribute their own development experience and economic strategy, they will inevitably involve the reconstruction process of the existing facilities and require political negotiations with local communities and governments.

    Given the project’s vision, it is certainly part of China’s process of seeking to strengthen its identity in the “post-Western” era. Obviously, the important consideration behind the initiative is not only to call for the formation of a multi-polar world order that includes other values, but also to ease tensions and increase mutual trust between China and neighbouring countries, thus providing a long-term peaceful environment for China and all countries.

    Although the “Belt and Road” initiative is a project led by the Chinese government and places emphasis on state and private investment, it is still open and evolving, and not a unique and huge strategy. This integration process of approaching and building together with other countries cannot be understood by traditional realism or geopolitical viewpoints in international relations. The United States and the entire Western system view China as a threat, making them more and more suspicious and dissatisfied. 

    According to their imagined power game, one can easily predict their reaction to China’s rise.   That is, trade wars, hostilities and discrimination.


    *The Reasonable Man has made two posts about the historical Silk Roads and will shortly be publishing one on Belt and Road.

    Scientists have always wanted to design artificial eyes, but this task is still very challenging. The structure of human eyes is extremely complicated.  According to the latest news, an international team led by scientists from the Hong Kong University of Science and Technology (HKUST) has developed the world’s first 3D artificial eye

    This “electrochemical bionic eye” replicates the curved structure of the human eye for the first time. It is a visual humanoid robot bringing visually impaired patients bring new hope.

    The most critical technology of the artificial eyeball is the retina. Scientists have been committed to creating a retina comparable to humans and realizing true bionic vision.

    by Photos Hobby

    Because the curved surface of the human eye is too difficult to imitate, the artificial eye using the planar integrated circuit chip, which is currently used in hospitals, can only simulate part of the human retina.  It gives a fuzzy visual effect.  Scientists have spent decades trying to replicate the structure and clarity of biological eyes, but the vision provided by existing artificial eyes is still very poor.

    The main breakthrough of this electrochemical eye is the creation of a 3D artificial retina. This artificial retina is equipped with many nanowire photoreceptors to simulate the photoreceptor cells in the human retina.

    Scientists believe that this kind of electrochemical eye can not only meet the needs of the visually impaired in the future, it can also be used in medical robots to realize a series of functions such as taking care of patients.


    The post China news 27th October 2020 appeared first on Wan Lik Hang.

  • LPT : If you have little money to donate but wanted to give as much impact as you can, consider donating to third-world country scholarship. In my country, 50 USD could secure living cost of 1 student for an entire month.
    27 October 2020

    For reference, in Indonesia, 450 USD covers engineering tuition for 1 semester. 1700 (or less) USD covers medical school tuition for 1 semester. Living cost in Bangkok, Thailand is around 500 USD/month. Minimum wage in my country is ~150 USD/month.

    Of course, this is just to give you an idea how "little" amount of money can help people in third world countries. I'm not saying it's better to donate to poorer countries

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  • LPT Life is too short to have a shitty boss
    27 October 2020

    This might seem like common sense, but if you’re anything like me, I can assure you, it’s not. For the last 2 years I had an atrocious boss. The kind of boss that diminishes you in front of your peers, vocalizes when you mess up and squanders your successes, steals your work, and politics around the office to ensure no one thinks you’re good enough.

    For some reason I stuck around and continued to keep my head down, obey my boss at all times and do my best work every day. Then - we hired someone who saw right through her bullshit and started to open others eyes about who she really was. He talked about how she treated me, passed my work off as hers, and how she wasn’t working during the shutdown but would bash me relentlessly. My boss quit shortly after they confronted her and now the person that stood up for me is my boss. I can not begin to explain how important it is for your health to have a good boss. My current boss lets me joke with him, I can tell him to leave me alone if I need to get work done, we can bounce ideas off each other and he is constantly telling me how great I’m doing. He’s also helping me to break bad habits I started with my old boss (like not speaking up or showing off my work). Ever since this transition I sleep better at night, no longer have overwhelming anxiety and everyone in the office respects me ten times more.

    If you’re in a similar situation, I promise you you deserve better. Whether you stand up for yourself vocally, start giving yourself praise when your boss won’t, or find another job - you DESERVE IT. We spend too much time of our lives working to not enjoy the people we are with every day. Your boss should be a mentor, friend (with boundaries) and above all someone you respect. I hope this can help at least one person that is struggling, you deserve better.

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Happiness Blog

27 October 2020

Happiness Blog
  • How you view something is essential
    27 October 2020

    Sorry I have not written I have been feeling a bit under the weather. Covid is running rampant in our area and people are growing sicker and sicker in my surroundings. I look at my illness with gratitude because I am pretty sure it is not covid although I am getting tested tomorrow. My son got pneumonia and strep throat and I believe I am following in his tracks. I can smell and haven’t ran a fever in nearly a week.

    Strange things have happened this week, all of which I am consuming as blessings. For example I am keeping a low profile, and staying home obviously because I am not feeling amazing and my immune system has been compromised, however because I am home I have had some wonderful conversations with people I love.

    I have finished my holiday shopping completely online, and I have been able to watch almost all of a series I continued to hear about, but never was able to find the time to watch. Last night it was pointed out to me that even well sick I seemed to have a good attitude. All that comment did for me was confirm that looking for things to be grateful for is essential in finding your happiness.

    See I could sit at home and feel sorry for myself, and I must admit that would be the easiest route to take, but I instead find gratitude in my every waking moment. I am joyous to be alive, and feel overwhelming lucky to have the people I have in my life.

    I sometimes believe that our bodies getting ill, is a sign they need a break. However, life can and will go on whether you sit and feel sorry for yourself or you look for creative ways to spend your time. Every moment of every day we have choice, choose wisely on what you feed your subconscious, I choose to feed mine with gratitude.

    I have played many of games on my phone, I have watched much TV, I have had wonderful conversations, and I have even taken time to read. I can work from home, so I can continue to make money well I work through this down time. I rest a lot and take all the medicine prescribed, and yes I would love to get out of here, but I look at this time as a blessing to rest my body, mind and soul.

    How you view things are extremely important, if there is something wrong in your life perhaps you are viewing it wrong.

  • 6 Simple Acts to Make the World a Better Place
    27 October 2020

    “The great use of life is to spend it for something that will outlast it.” ~William James

    I’ll never forget the call.

    It was 1989 and, like most college students, I spent winter break in Florida looking for some sun. Stepping off the airplane and being greeted by a burst of warm air was the best. As I entered the terminal, I had the added benefit of being greeted by my maternal grandparents, who lived in North Miami Beach.

    Lounging at the pool, going on walks with them, or eating out, the experience was a wonderful way to decompress after an intense period of finals.

    Although being the oldest of six children came with big brother responsibilities, life was great and my worries were minimal.

    That warm Wednesday afternoon in January, my grandparents and I spent the morning at the pool. We were just coming back when we received a call that would change my life forever: My mother had suffered a brain aneurysm.

    She was just forty-four years old. How could this be happening? Just yesterday we spoke, she laughed, and now, within forty-eight hours, she’d passed away, leaving her parents, a husband, and six children, ages eight to twenty-one, to mourn her loss.

    My world—our world—was turned upside down in an instant.

    We don’t like to think about it, but the truth is our lives can change in an instant, as I discovered so powerfully back then. Reading this now is no guarantee that you will be here tomorrow. The question is whether or not we are doing the utmost today with the time we have left. No one on their death bed is asking for more money; they’re asking for more meaning.

    In the words of Bob Marley, “Live for yourself and you will live in vain, live for others and you will live again.”

    Our actions affect others. “What will be your legacy?” is a question for all of us to reflect upon. It’s a chance to consider past and present actions and vow to make positive changes that will affect not only ourselves and our current families, but possibly future generations. The seeds, whether positive or negative, that we plant today can make an enormous difference.

    It’s important to understand that no matter what is happening in the world today, the first place to look is within ourselves. We have to ask the following questions each and every day:

    1. What did I do today to uplift another person?

    2. Is it possible I could have done more, given more, or listened more to those around me?

    Take a quiet hour and dig deep within yourself. Who are you? Who do you want to be? If you could only speak one more time, what would you say? Why not say it now?

    When I wake up in the morning, I recite a prayer not only in my belief in a higher power but in knowing that the new day is endowed with new possibilities for eternal impact unlike yesterday or tomorrow. This awareness inspires me to seize the day and seek opportunities to unleash kindness in every encounter, for I will not pass this way again.

    If you want to create a life that fulfills your purpose and leaves the world a better place, if you want to create a legacy, here are some suggestions.

    1. Be an agent of kindness.

    When you walk into your local coffee shop or go to work, what can you do to make someone’s day? Pay for coffee for the person standing behind you? Smile and make eye contact with someone passing in the hall? Perhaps the person was having a tough day and by acknowledging them, you’ve made an impact on their lives.

    2. Make courageous choices.

    We make big and small choices every day, and some are easier than others. Upon reflection, many people regret the things they didn’t do. When we die, we won’t be judged against someone else’s life but against our own potential. Did we do the best we could with the hand we were dealt? Wake up every morning and decide one good deed you will do that day, and then do it.

    3. Seize meditative moments.

    Meditate every day to reflect on your own humanity. Use prayers or poems or your own journal writings to think about who you are, your relationships, and what you’ve done to make an impact. This gives you an opportunity to consider what you’ve done well, and what you need to correct.

    4. Find faith.

    The sources of our faith may be in a higher power, within ourselves, or in friends or a spouse who believes in us more than we believe in ourselves. We all need cheerleaders in life. Who are yours?

    5. Live inspired.

    Living inspired stems from an awareness that life can change in an instant. Take nothing for granted and don’t assume you’re owed anything. Start a gratitude journal that lists new blessings every day. Harness this day’s full potential.

    6. Discover your renewable energy.

    Identify your talents and skills, and what makes you smile. When do you feel the most alive? Remember that your life is a gift latent with infinite potential.

    Sometimes we think we have to be on the world stage in order to make a difference, but the truth is we all have the ability to choose between harm and healing. Your life is a candle. You are a flame. You can ignite thousands of lights in your world every day by intentionally building your own legacy.

    Remember, you may not be able to change the entire world, but you can change the entire world of one person… and maybe many more.

    About Rabbi Daniel Cohen

    Popular motivator, mentor, and inspirational speaker, Rabbi Daniel Cohen’s unique blend of authenticity, humor, wisdom, and insight helps anyone better navigate contemporary society and lead a life of legacy. Rabbi Cohen has served in the rabbinate for over twenty years and is the author of What Will They Say About You When You Are Gone? Creating a Life of Legacy.Visit him at

    Get in the conversation! Click here to leave a comment on the site.

    The post 6 Simple Acts to Make the World a Better Place appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

  • Time To Get Clear: How Chakra Exercises Can Enhance Intuition
    27 October 2020
    Plus, a quick grounding ritual to connect to your inner compass.
  • A Neuroscientist Explains How The Law Of Attraction Actually Works
    27 October 2020
    The science actually backs up this spiritual law.
  • 6 Ways To Practice Positive Self-Talk Without Feeling Like You’re Straight-Up Lying to Yourself
    26 October 2020

    via Well and Good by Jessica Estrada

    What is positive self-talk?

    Positive self-talk is about speaking to yourself and treating yourself with kindness and compassion, just like you would treat someone you love, says clinical and forensic neuropsychologistJudy Ho, PhD. It stems from positive psychology, which she defines as “the study of what makes humans flourish and operate at their best. It’s about leaning into strengths rather than focusing solely on our weaknesses, and using our strengths to solve problems in our lives.”

    Despite its benefits, positive self-talk is often conflated with “toxic positivity,” or the tendency to shove down negative feelings in pursuit of a “good vibes only” vibe. But, there’s nothing toxic about positive self-talk. Whitney Goodman, LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist based in Miami, Florida, says positive self-talk is not about continually being positive, because—let’s be real—that’s not possible, nor would it be healthy. Instead, Goodman explains that positive self-talk takes on more of a neutral approach as a way of interacting with your thoughts and feelings in an understanding way.

    “It doesn’t mean that we will always feel good when we use [positive self-talk] or that it will be easy to access,” Goodman says. “Sometimes, it’s incredibly hard. Some situations just aren’t positive.” So if you’ve tried reciting all the affirmations and they don’t quite resonate, think of positive self-talk as a realistic and empowered way of thinking versus constant positivity.

    Positive self-talk is also about perspective. Kevin Gilliland, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and executive director of Innovation360, an outpatient counseling service, says positive self-talk is a skill you develop as you gain a greater understanding of and appreciation for perspective. You’re able to see hope and optimism in a situation. “When humans struggle with depression or anxiety or any form of a psychological issue, we tend to develop a negative bias, seeing the impossible and the negative and overlooking things that are encouraging or hopeful,” Dr. Gilliland says. “When we get a broader, more balanced, or fair view of the situation, we can see the other possibilities that aren’t negative.”

    The connection between mental and physical health

    We can’t talk about mental health without also discussing physical health. The two are connected and impact one another. “If something happens to you physically, you’re going to experience some mental symptoms around that change,” Goodman says. “You will likely create a story about what is happening to you physically. You will interpret the symptoms and signs. You may develop certain emotions about the physical changes or experiences you’re having.”

    This is why, Goodman adds, it’s common for people with physical illnesses also to develop mental health issues like depression and anxiety as either a symptom or due to the stress of managing the physical illness.

    And vice versa: Dr. Gilliland says it’s also common for people struggling with a mental illness to develop physical symptoms such as irritable bowel syndrome or sleep problems. “I personally think that’s good news because we have a lot of options [including positive self-talk] to help manage our psychological health, more than just counseling and medications,” he says.

    4 benefits of positive self-talk 1. New perspective to help during hard times

    Let’s be honest: Life is rough sometimes (we’re looking at you, 2020), and, often, our thoughts and negative internal dialogue and pessimistic thinking can make things harder than they need to be. When this happens, Dr. Gilliland says, we aren’t looking at things from a fair perspective. Positive self-talk helps us take a step back and actually see the whole picture, which is a critical component when going through difficult times.

    One of the benefits of practicing positive self-talk is that it helps you see certain situations from a new perspective. “Some people tend to fall into black-and-white thinking: Everything is all good or all bad,” Goodman says. “When we work on our self-talk, we can view the gray in situations. Sometimes there is a lot of bad and good, but this flexibility allows people to access their coping strategies and find what works for them.”

    2. Better relationships

    Positive self-talk doesn’t just impact our own mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It can also affect our relationships. “When we’re able to see the good in ourselves, we’re able to see it in others,” Goodman says. “Having a well-rounded sense of self and knowing what our strengths are often allows us to put ourselves out there more easily and opens us up to new relationship opportunities.”

    3. Increased self-confidence and self-efficacy

    According to Dr. Ho, positive self-talk (or as she refers to it, “balanced self-talk”) also helps you build confidence and better control over what’s happening in your life. In other words, you’re less likely to feel like life is happening to you and more like you’re in the driver’s seat, which is a much more empowered viewpoint. Dr. Ho adds that people with higher self-esteem are also more likely to achieve their goals and be realistic in how they get there.

    4. Decreased loneliness

    When the negative self-talk is running rampant, that typically makes people want to hide and isolate, because they feel ashamed or guilty, even though this is likely the time when you need the support of others the most. Positive self-talk has the opposite effect. “Increasing positivity or balanced self-talk will make it easier for you to stay connected to loved ones and people who support you,” Dr. Ho says. Having that sense of community and connection and emotional support makes it easier for people to navigate difficult situations.

    6 methods for implementing positive self-talk in your daily routine 1. Ensure the positive self-talk feels true

    When you’re in the thick of feeling crappy and are mentally in a dark place, Goodman says positive affirmations can feel forced, inauthentic, and like straight-up lies, making them not as effective…

    … keep reading the full & original article HERE

    #happiness #happy #happier #optimism #selftalk #positive #positivity

  • 3 great articles on leadership
    26 October 2020

    This morning I found these 3 great articles on different aspects of leadership and I thought the easiest way to share them would be in one go, here via my blog

    So thanks to the Harvard Business Review for the following…

    “Serious Leaders Need Self-Care Too” … HERE

    Today’s Leaders Need Vulnerability, Not Bravado … HERE

    Storytelling Can Make or Break Your Leadership … HERE

    I hope you find these interesting and useful

    Keep well and keep leading well

    Tim (aka Dr Tim Sharp aka Dr Happy)

  • How This Nutritional Psychiatrist Used Food To Cope With Breast Cancer
    26 October 2020
    The emotional and physical impacts of diet.
  • The 11 Worst Foods To Eat If You Have Jaw Pain, According To An ENT
    26 October 2020
    Give your jaw a break.
  • Studies Show Hair Loss Is More Common Right Now — Here's Why & What To Do
    26 October 2020
    It's not just in your head.
  • With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities
    26 October 2020
    With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities

    With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities


    Relationships are a normal part of life. We all have them. Might be with your soulmate, might be with your cat, but With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities. that’s because while the human connection to people, places, and things appears to be innate, the ability to form healthy relationships we learn by what we experience in our early developmental years.

    We have all heard of the parent who could not outwardly express their love to their children. Never spoke an encouraging word to them. Never consoled them when they were feeling down. Never encouraged them to chase their dreams. Struggled to show public displays of affection. Never said out loud “I Love You”.

    So, it’s not surprising that as we grow, we might struggle with relationships. That we might not know that With Every Relationship Comes Rights, And Responsibilities. lists the definition of relationship as:



    1. a connection, association, or involvement.
    2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
    3. an emotional or other connection between people:
    4. A sexual involvement; affair.[1]

    They also list the definition of responsibility as:



    1. the state or fact of being responsible, answerable, or accountable for something within one’s power, control, or management.
    2. an instance of being responsible:
    3. a particular burden of obligation upon one who is responsible:
    4. a person or thing for which one is responsible:
    5. reliability or dependability, especially in meeting debts or payments.[2]



    “We all have the right to be in a relationship, and a responsibility to protect it,

    especially from ourselves”

    — Joseph Binning


    Read my article Five Things the Buddha taught me about Relationships here: Five Things the Buddha taught me about Relationships

    In any relationship, whether or not you know it, you have rights.

    You Have the Right to Be Safe

    When I was younger and less aware, I Loved you because I Needed you. The correct way of being in any relationship is to Need someone because you Love them. When we Love someone because we Need them, we place our well being in their hands. We give them control of how we feel about ourselves. We put ourselves second, which is last.

    When we give anyone that much power over us, we allow them to hurt us mentally, and possibly physically, which no person has the right to do to another.

    In non-emotional relationships, ie: friendships, employee relationships, associations, or acquaintances we also have the right to be safe and any relationship that does not honor that should not be a part of your life.

    You Have the Right to Feel Validated

    Validation is one way that we communicate acceptance of ourselves and others. In every relationship you have a voice. You have an opinion that matters because you matter.

    When we are in any relationship and our opinion, thoughts, feelings, mental health, or person are not respected, honored, considered, appreciated, or recognized we cannot feel validation. It is just not possible.

    When we allow ourselves to be in any relationship where we are not recognized, respected, and validated, we place ourselves in a position to allow another person to develop an opinion of us we believe by allowing it to happen. We also tell ourselves we do not matter, when in fact we do.

    Read my article The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, is Trust here: The Most Important Ingredient In Love, Real Love, is Trust

    You Have the Right to Have Your Needs Met

    I know what it’s like to put everyone first and place yourself last. Imagine a person standing in front of eight thin poles about shoulder high. One at a time they attempt to spin a dinner plate on each pole to have all eight plates spinning all at once.

    Now imaging the plates slowing down and becoming wobbly and falling before all eight plates are spinning and the person scrambling to add another plate on to that pole. They spend the entire time adding new plates, keeping them spinning. By the time they are done, and all the plates are spinning, they all fall and break on the ground and they are exhausted.

    This is what it’s like putting everyone first. I tried to make everyone happy, and I was miserable. I felt like I was always putting another plate on a stick and trying to keep it spinning, only to have them all break.

    To be healthy, you MUST see to your own needs first. You must be your own best friend. Your own champion. First. If you are in any relationship that does not allow you to meet your own needs first, to take care of you first, including your relationship with your children, it’s your own fault and you must change it.

    Read my article Relationship Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You here: Relationship Are Not About Sex ~ They’re About You


    “If you are not good to yourself, how do you expect to be good to or for anyone else?”

    — Joseph Binning

    You Have the Right to Feel Valued

    In every relationship you, as a person, have the right to be the person who you are, not what you are. You have the right to be valued as a person. You have the right to be valued for your uniqueness. You have the right to be valued just as you are.

    Lack of a positive self-image will prevent us sometimes from leaving a terrible relationship. We think this is all we deserve. That we might not get anything better. That this is the best it can get. You are wrong.

    Imagine this: look around you and see the beauty surrounding you wherever you are. The beauty of a sunset. The beauty of a flower growing. The beauty of a mountain reaching up to the heavens as if it were reaching for the stars. The beauty of the full moon on a clear night surrounded by a galaxy of stars.

    Know this: even if you were the only person on this Earth, the Universe would have created all of this in all its wonder, just for you. You and just you. If you are that important to your creator how important does that make you? You are the most important person in this Universe.

    If you are in any relationship where you do not feel valued as a person, leave.

    Read my article The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, is Communication here: The Key to Intimacy in Love, Real Love, is Communication


    If you have enjoyed this article, please visit me at for more helpful tips and articles.,

    You can also get more helpful information in my book You Matter, even if you don’t think so which you can purchase on Amazon here Amazon You Matter, even if you don’t think so

    For my free report Happiness Is A Choice click here: Happiness Is A Choice Free Report

    Remember: Happiness is a choice, so choose to be happy.

    [1] 10/20/2020/

    [2] 10/20/2020/


    You Matter, even if you don’t think so by Joseph Binning

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